Discussing Racism In The Workplace: Using Positive And Persistent Pressure To Enable Honest Dialogue

Recent events have created an awareness, divide, concern and many other emotions. We are at a volatile and critical time for humanity, the economy and the workplace. As people return to work, many people of color are reporting extreme levels of exhaustion. Many white people are split between guilt and defensiveness. The worst thing any organization can do right now is nothing. On the other hand, a company-wide memo with a sanitized corporate statement isn’t going to do the trick either. What should companies do?

Dialogue is going to be the most important first step. But many leaders are hesitant to dive into a dialogue that can feel like a powder keg waiting to go off. Kwame Christian Esq., M.A., the director of the American Negotiation Institute, says that, “The best things in life are on the other side of difficult conversations.” In his book, “ Finding Confidence in Conflict: How to Negotiate Anything and Live Your Best Life,” he outlines a simple to follow framework to help people get to that other side.

Kwame has had years of experience helping leaders navigate difficult conversations in a myriad of situations over the years. This moment of discussing racism at work has brought together his years as a civil rights attorney combined with his years as a coach, speaker and trainer. His work on the topic of negotiations provides him with a unique skill set and perspective. This helps his clients and audience approach these seemingly impossible conversations with clarity, compassion and openness.

During a recent webinar he hosted to help people work through practical steps to discussing race, Kwame admitted that initially he was avoiding commenting on George Floyd’s murder and the unfolding public outcry. “I had spent so much time working for civil rights and I had gotten burned out. I focused on using my skills to help with general negotiation situations. However, my wife called my attention to the fact that if I didn’t speak up, I was doing my audience a disservice by not connecting what I do to what is happening today.”

Below are tips he shared to help people from all walks of life, across the globe, at every level to have these discussions at home or at work:

Set some ‘rules of engagement.’ When going through unpredictable viewpoints and volatile emotions, it’s important for everyone in the dialogue to agree to some basic behavior guidelines to set the conversation up for success.

1. Assume good intent. Kwame recommends ensuring that people are willing to commit to assuming good intent, especially with those participants you may not agree with. “We are not going to say all the right things in all the right ways,” Kwame warns. “It’s important that we assume good intent or we’ll never get further than where we are.”
2. Clarify approach for when things get heated. Things are bound to get heated when discussing racism. This isn’t a bad thing. Emotions need to be expressed. However, there should be some way to make sure it doesn’t escalate to a point of complete dysfunction.
3. Assign a moderator. This is to help make sure people feel there is a neutral person to guide the dialogue. This should be done in a manner that enables people to feel heard. This is also to help everyone stay focused. Having someone that can facilitate that discussion that is either an outsider, such as the services that Kwame and his team provide, or a trusted leader that is known for creating emotional safety in their discussions with all participants can make all the difference.
4. Allow for authentic dialogue. This isn’t the time to try to clean up and limit expression. It’s critical that people of color in the workplace are finally in a place where they can safely express what they are feeling and experience without fear of retaliation or negative judgment. White employees will need help understanding how to express their questions and reactions without overwhelming the conversation with their own needs.
5. Set up the dialogue to happen in phases. This isn’t a one-time dialogue. This needs to occur over several conversations. The first dialogue will most likely need to focus on making sure people of color get to share openly and honestly. Once they’ve truly been heard, there needs to be space for creating understanding across all people. Finally, they’ll need to be discussions around what to do to make a genuine change and positive impact. The frequency and number of these dialogues are going to vary depending on each workplace dynamic.

Get focused. Kwame recommends getting focused on several levels. In his guide on, “How to Have Difficult Conversations about Race,” he shares that it’s critical to know what you are trying to accomplish. There is so much information, emotion and issues to tackle. It’s easy to get overwhelmed by it all. But this can lead to avoidance and complacency. Instead, get clear on what needs to be the compass point in the following areas:

1. Prioritize self-care. Kwame shared that he made the very critical mistake of not prioritizing his self-care earlier in his career when working with civil rights. It caused him to take several years to break from the pain and struggle he faced in this area. “You’re no good to anyone if you allow yourself to be so consumed every day. You’ll burn out. This isn’t a sprint. We need everyone to go the distance. Taking care of yourself has to be a priority,” he cautions. Take time to check out, find space to recharge and get clear on actions to take.
2. Identify the mutual goal of the conversation. What is it that you and the other person or persons want to achieve? If these dialogues need to happen in phases, you don’t need to solve everything in one dialogue. One conversation may have the goal for venting and sharing. Another can have the goal to get clarity and ask questions. Finally, a goal can be to determine tangible actions and commitments.
3. Identify the needs of the other person and collective group. In order to find a mutual goal, we have to be willing to understand the other person’s needs. Behind every request is a desire for something and a fear of that desire not being met. It can be tough to do this if you feel threatened or angry about the other person’s views or actions. However, to set us up to move beyond where we are, we have to be willing to look towards a new future and what each participant needs to get there.

Use compassionate curiosity to build understanding. Kwame has been discussing this concept for years on his podcast, “Negotiate Anything.” He is able to boil down his approach into an easy three-step process to help people navigate tough conversations.

1. Acknowledge and validate emotions. The first goal of listening has to be making sure the other person actually feels heard. The experience of being heard and understood is what builds trust. This goes beyond simply hearing and tracking what another person says. It’s checking in to ensure you understand the emotional experience of the person. Ask questions like, “It seems like you feel let down by the way I chose not to speak up. Is that true?” This isn’t about you agreeing with the other person. This is about ensuring you understand their experience and acknowledge their right to that experience.
2. Express curiosity, not judgment. Kwame cautions that, “When we ask ‘why’ there is an implied judgment. This invites further defense and conflict.” Instead, he recommends asking questions with compassion and curiosity. Asking for further details on the who, what, when, where and how helps to do this.
3. Ensure tone authentically expresses compassion. Tone is tough to fake when discussing race. If you’re not genuinely open to hear what the other person has to say, it will be obvious. Openly admitting when something is hard to hear for you may do more to develop trust than trying to fake curiosity. This isn’t about shutting the other person down. Instead, acknowledging the struggle but not stopping the dialogue can ensure communication keeps flowing.

Ensure positive impact. Many of us have been resting on the that that we’re not doing anything racist. That is clearly not enough moving forward. So how do you make sure these dialogues do more than offer lip service to being better?

1. Use positive, persistent pressure. Kwame states that, “Using positive, persistent pressure to push ourselves and others out of comfort zones without shaming is the only way to truly inspire commitment.” Shaming tends to shut people down or make them defensive. In a discussion about race, there is already shame heavily embedded in the topic. Creating a space that focuses on learning, self-awareness, forgiveness and action ensures all people feel empowered to commit towards positive change. “Shaming someone is making them feel bad about who they are vs. getting them to focus on accountability for what they did,” emphasizes Kwame. If you want people to change, they have to stop being focused on themselves, this includes feeling shameful.
2. Commit to one next thing. Ensure that each person in the dialogue can commit to one new action to take. “If you’ve been doing nothing, commit to one action. This could be reaching out to someone, sharing credible information or simply taking the time to genuinely listen to someone you’ve not really heard before,” encourages Kwame. But don’t stop after one step. Build momentum by adding more steps after each one. The point is to not let the overwhelming scope of racism keep you from taking action.
3. Understand that white people need to take the lead. People of color have been fighting racism their whole lives. The fact that many white people are waking up to this just now may cause an unnecessary weight on people of color, especially on the job. People of color are exhausted. As we start to wake up to where our country is, we have to recognize how exhausted the oppressed are. As a leader, help your white team members get the information from the multitude of resources so that the burden is not on those on the receiving end of racism.

Don’t let fear of doing or saying the wrong thing prevent discussions about racism from occurring in the workplace. These dialogues are the key to creating a truly inclusive and emotionally safe environment. Leverage this time of society being cracked open to tackle the underlying issues that people of color have always been aware of. Strengthen the foundation of your business by ensuring all employees feel heard, supported and honored.